I want to have a baby with you. No, I want to wife you. Even if the whole world let’s you down, I will always be there for you. If its the last thing Ill do on earth, I will give my only arm for you. If I had met you earlier it would have been you with my last name. I will do anything for you. You can do no wrong in my eyes. You are a harlot, a prostitute, a dog. I wonder what I was thinking when I first met you. If I have my ways I would kill you. You are not worth anything to anyone b***h. Your father doesn’t know what kind of hungry thing he has for a child. I will disgrace you and your entire family but first you must return everything I have ever given you. The money, the gadgets, everything I have ever given your wretched life. Those were the words you used recently after EVERYTHING. How do people sleep well at night after saying all sort of nasty words to their fellow human just because they erred? I guess I should have listened to my instincts five years ago when I ran into your face. No, what I should have done should have been to listen to her voice when she called to warn and threaten me. I couldn’t see the future so I thought she was wasting her time and energy on me. What’s the worst thing that could happen I thought……hmmmm, naaaaaa, never, not in this life time I said to myself because I wasn’t that strong, bold or stupid. Lust according to the dictionary is a very strong sexual desire that doesn’t involve love but pleasure. That’s what it was. You took my weakness and made it your strength. You used my pain against me by deriving pleasure from my sadness. You took the last breath I was saving for my grand finale smile and you used it up on a frown. Guess I didn’t see it because I wanted to believe it was affection. I was never the type who met people who often appreciated them with words and gifts so when I meet the people who make me feel wanted and needed, I often let down my guards and open up to them emotionally, verbally, and happily but never sexually. Yes, that’s the stupid thing I did and I regret every sweat, creak, vain promises and moment. I hate the day I smiled back at you.
The lust you had for me only became obvious after the first year but I was too blinded by vanity that when you came back and apologized, I opened my arms and smiled back in acceptance. I should have followed my instincts again but No, I stood there and endured every harsh word, every hit, every tear, every drop of blood and everything. I have never had a reason to have bad or negative thoughts towards other people but for you, I am beginning to have them. I will not curse you, No, I will not. I will not do half of the things I have thought of in my head like sending half a dozen men to rape and molest your wife and children so you will know what it really feels like to be called names, sending an arsonist to burn down every item you have ever purchased so you will know what it feels like when everything you have earned is suddenly taken from you, shooting you in the arms and cutting out your tongue so you can speak no evil anymore or hold your phone to make a call and send a text. No I will not. I will not allow you make me what I am not or who I am not. I will not even take away the life of your mother and make you free of her burden, no I will not. I am not that resilient, malicious or inhumane.
I will not curse your children the way you have cursed me. I am sure someone else will do that on my behalf. Your strength is your wealth and your mouth. I pray you continue to have them in excess. I will wait for you on the said day, the day of reckoning. The day the pound of flesh will be collected from me, by you and by force in the presence of no one. I will wait where we first met, wearing the smile you almost took away from me, alongside the pride you have vowed to swallow for me. I may not die in peace but I will try to make peace with God and I have asked everyone I have ever offended to forgive me because I hope to make heaven. I hope and wish you the same too but remember this and remember today. Remember you are human and you have a God. I shall return your pound, in cash and in kind.